Preparation sucksFamily is here from South Carolina. It's nice...but I feel paranoid when the house is such a chaotic state.
School is school. Oh! I'm looking into studying abroad next summer. Got the info and everything. Just gotta figure out where I want to go and what I want to learn--such as do I want to learn Japanese or do I want to take an art class over in Japan. *shrugs* I'll figure it out soonish!
On a random note: still trying to get over that one guy. I dunno why it still bothers me. I seriously should be over it by now. *shrugs* I'll just keep my eye out for someone else. I still want to smack libby for the "croc man" comment. Long story, but in short, when libby and I were at the mall the other weekend, we met up with a friend of mine from my Japanese class who works at the croc shop. He and I started talking in Japanese, which kinda pissed off libby (I think?) so she kept teasing me the rest of the day that I should go out with him. To be honest, he's nice. Just...not the kind of guy I want to go out with. ANYWAY! that topic is over.
Anyway, I probably should get back to work. Vogel-san wants me to make some sketches for her for the comic we are both doing together. XD Yes I'm on overload now.
Tired
Take today. Today was a great day. I'm looking forward to tomorrow which is going to be a vacation, albeit an early one. I went disc golfing with some great friends and just all in all had a wonderful time. I spent time with my boyfriend just listening to music and laughing and talking about tomorrow. He even volunteered to clean and drop off a birthday gift for me, which just surprised me. Now for the things that aren't so great.
Today I realized I've been lied to many times by many people. There is one person who I absolutely love. We got in a major fight because I was dumb and decided it would be a wonderful idea for us to live together. For those of you living with your best friends and it's working GREAT. For those of you who know what I'm talking about when I saw I was a fucking idiot and made what were the biggest mistakes of my life, you'll know what I'm talking about.
So as it is, a year later, we ended up actually hanging out for awhile. It wasn't too long...3 or 4 hours, maybe, but it was enough and it was a ton of fun and that meant something. At the end of the night, I asked if we were good.
Now, I'm gonna say right now that I actually expected a no. Straight out, no questions asked, I expected a "no, fuck off." Or something along those lines. God knows I feel like I deserved it. But you know what she said instead? She shrugged and said something along the lines of sure. It wasn't a yes, but it was a hell of a lot more than I expected.
This gave me hope...it probably shouldn't have, but I'm this hopeful person. So, you know what I did? I waited a little while until I had something to talk with her about and then I asked for her friendship on Facebook, so maybe we could start talking. Not about what happened back then, or the blame game or anything like that. I just wanted to talk. To talk about how we used to spar with each other after soccer. To talk about how she taught me how to play goalie and how I always joked with her about wearing makeup and a dress. Tell stories about how dumb our boyfriends were at prom and senior year dancing to Geeks Get the Girls and having to name all of our male friends during the song because none of them had girlfriends. I wanted to start over and smile at all of the good times and murder myself at the thousands of times I made mistakes over a 1 year period.
Instead of being able to do this I got ignored. I can imagine why...it's because I'm a dumbass and those of you who are probably reading this are probably thinking the same thing. But the thing about it is...even if I agree that I'm a complete dumbass and that tomorrow will be another day...part of me hurts. It's a hurt that even a year ago I would have tried to hide. Failed miserably, but tried. Now...hiding it would hurt even more, so I'm writing this. I feel lied to. Even if it wasn't a lie and it was only my getting my hopes up for not reason...I thought things were starting over...no...that's the wrong word. I've been using the wrong word. For everything I put this wonderful girl through, there's nothing I can do that will make it start over. I want to try to move on from here in a different direction.
Part of me hope that the girl I'm talking about reads this. Part of me knows that she won't and that's okay. Maybe someday I'll see that wonderful face on facebook or hanging out with friends watching movies. Maybe she'll come and hang out with me on my 21st birthday or maybe we'll never see each other or talk again. All I know is that tomorrow for one of us or both of us, is going to be a better day. I hope she has all the better days in the world...I guess I'm just still hoping for one.
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"The next time your cat looks at you from that nice sunny spot on the floor, think about all the ways he might be plotting to kill you."
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<img border=0
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"The next time your cat looks at you from that nice sunny spot on the floor, think about all the ways he might be plotting to kill you."
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"The next time your cat looks at you from that nice sunny spot on the floor, think about all the ways he might be plotting to kill you."
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<img border=0
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"The next time your cat looks at you from that nice sunny spot on the floor, think about all the ways he might be plotting to kill you."
I was going to add a love poem to it, but I haven't written that quite yet. =^.^=
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"The next time your cat looks at you from that nice sunny spot on the floor, think about all the ways he might be plotting to kill you."
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<img border=0
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"The next time your cat looks at you from that nice sunny spot on the floor, think about all the ways he might be plotting to kill you."
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